I know a painful word to admit. Being Toxic. It took me awhile to own up to this one.

a lot of my second hand trauma has caused me to isolate my self when people are trying to be there for me, or worse push them away, and have a wee bit of a temper. I know some people know i can't even hurt a fly without crying.

But I too can hurt people i am most close with, unintentionally. That is the hardest thing for me to own up too. No one ever wants to say they hurt the people they love.

In figuring out my self worth, who i wanna be in life, what i want to create of my self. I had to admit to my wrong doings. in order to grow and forgive my self. For the time I hurt others, and hurt my self.

This does not mean I am not worthy of love. I have struggled with allowing people to love me. I can be irrational, and hurtful in my choice of words. It took alot of courage to come to realization and change that part about me. I think most of it tied to being so angry with my self and hating everything around me. Long story short they really mean it when they say you can't love anyone unless you love yourself first. I admit I used alot of things to disguse my pain that were toxic, i thought having someone love me was enough to take away my pain, but it is not. You have to deal with that pain.

Here's to learning the parts of you that might be toxic, changing them, letting go, and loving you for you.